Boy, did that one misfire spectacularly. I playfully posted it to my daughter a few days ago and told her that I hoped it would play over and over in her head all night long.
She promptly forgot about it. Guess who's brain it has been cycling through since? Karma will get you every time.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Monday, July 20, 2015
Deeply Troubled
Took the day off today to reflect on the week's events. Specifically I am referring to Mohammod Youssuf Abdulazeez, the killer of four of our Marines.
The thing that is bothering me is the dismissive attitude about the level of his mental health and how he is just "another Muslim jihadist", as if that means we shouldn't care about the state of his mind.
Look at it from the other side. I am sure there are some who deride just "another Christian" too.
Doesn't make it right and it certainly helps no one. Do I have answers to bridge the divide? Of course I don't.
I am not excusing him for the murders. I am just saying that we need to look deeper into what happened in his mind. Sure he went to Jordan to visit family. Guess what? I went to South Dakota to visit family a couple months ago. Sure his family has a bit of a turbulent history. So did mine. You just cannot pin it on one or two items. He was clearly mentally ill and that is the tragedy that did not get dealt with.
My only point is that we have to stop being such self-involved animals. All of us.
The thing that is bothering me is the dismissive attitude about the level of his mental health and how he is just "another Muslim jihadist", as if that means we shouldn't care about the state of his mind.
Look at it from the other side. I am sure there are some who deride just "another Christian" too.
Doesn't make it right and it certainly helps no one. Do I have answers to bridge the divide? Of course I don't.
I am not excusing him for the murders. I am just saying that we need to look deeper into what happened in his mind. Sure he went to Jordan to visit family. Guess what? I went to South Dakota to visit family a couple months ago. Sure his family has a bit of a turbulent history. So did mine. You just cannot pin it on one or two items. He was clearly mentally ill and that is the tragedy that did not get dealt with.
My only point is that we have to stop being such self-involved animals. All of us.
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Semantics
I was told by someone today that s/he was "beat". Of course in my own mind this led me to think about difference between beat and beaten.
Two little letters that convey such a different experience.
Being beat means generally, I think, that we have had a good day that has led us to want sleep and be ready for renewal for the next day.
Not so with beaten. It is a feeling familiar to anyone who is discouraged, not to mention chronic depressive.
For us it means that something has knocked us down so hard that it is going to take an act of congress for us to start climbing back up again.
Beat is tired. Beaten is flat out laying on the ground trying not to dig into the ground any deeper.
Two little letters that convey such a different experience.
Being beat means generally, I think, that we have had a good day that has led us to want sleep and be ready for renewal for the next day.
Not so with beaten. It is a feeling familiar to anyone who is discouraged, not to mention chronic depressive.
For us it means that something has knocked us down so hard that it is going to take an act of congress for us to start climbing back up again.
Beat is tired. Beaten is flat out laying on the ground trying not to dig into the ground any deeper.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
Pets (They are smarter than you think)
We have one very aged dog, one fairly elderly cat, and a young, crazy parrot.
They have all bonded to "Horace" even though they were supposed to be my pets. "Horace" is the pet whisperer, apparently.
"Horace" travels on business on a fairly regular basis and when he is gone I become the default caretaker. And that is when it becomes silly. Any of the three see a suitcase come out and the fun begins.
Timeline:
"Horace" leaves at 1:10 p.m. for the airport. Barney (aged dog) needs to go out for anxious bowel reasons.
1;20 p.m. Same deal.
2:00 p.m. Bird is screeching piteously. (I guess weekends are particularly hard for them). I feed him and give him fresh water. He asks me, "how ya doing, little buddy?" but I think he was talking to himself.
Things calm down for three hours. Then it is time to see to the children's (ahem, pet's) needs again.
5:00 p.m. Time to give the old cat his wet food. Meanwhile Barney has been following me around all day like a lost soul so I take pity on him and give him the other half can of cat food (mixed grill, who wouldn't love it?) He chases the dish around the kitchen trying to lick every bite of it clean.
5:10 p.m. Barney urgently needs to go outside.
5:10 p.m. I take the opportunity to give the birdie boy new food and clean water. Open the cage door and he is out like a shot.
5:15 p.m. Go make sure that Barney came back in the house (because I left the door open so he could do so, which in retrospect might not have been the best decision since elderly cat might have escaped, which he didn't because I don't think he really wants to. He has it way too good here.)
5:17 p.m. Check back in on the uncaged bird. Said bird climbs up my arm so I take him to the bedroom where he can run around the bed.
5:30 p.m. I get hungry myself so I go make an egg salad sandwich which is one of the bird's faves, so we share it. Plus we shared an orange slice candy.
Two hours of relative peace and then all hell breaks loose.
Dog needs out again. Bird hops off of the bed to chew up more of the kitchen floor. Cat nearly trips me on my way down to the door to let dog out.
Don't worry. I am used to chaos. Got the bird back in his cage. Soothed the dog. Gave the cat some scratches and all is calm again.
But the animals ALL know when they can act out. Lucky me.
Anyone who has mothered children can relate to this story.
They have all bonded to "Horace" even though they were supposed to be my pets. "Horace" is the pet whisperer, apparently.
"Horace" travels on business on a fairly regular basis and when he is gone I become the default caretaker. And that is when it becomes silly. Any of the three see a suitcase come out and the fun begins.
Timeline:
"Horace" leaves at 1:10 p.m. for the airport. Barney (aged dog) needs to go out for anxious bowel reasons.
1;20 p.m. Same deal.
2:00 p.m. Bird is screeching piteously. (I guess weekends are particularly hard for them). I feed him and give him fresh water. He asks me, "how ya doing, little buddy?" but I think he was talking to himself.
Things calm down for three hours. Then it is time to see to the children's (ahem, pet's) needs again.
5:00 p.m. Time to give the old cat his wet food. Meanwhile Barney has been following me around all day like a lost soul so I take pity on him and give him the other half can of cat food (mixed grill, who wouldn't love it?) He chases the dish around the kitchen trying to lick every bite of it clean.
5:10 p.m. Barney urgently needs to go outside.
5:10 p.m. I take the opportunity to give the birdie boy new food and clean water. Open the cage door and he is out like a shot.
5:15 p.m. Go make sure that Barney came back in the house (because I left the door open so he could do so, which in retrospect might not have been the best decision since elderly cat might have escaped, which he didn't because I don't think he really wants to. He has it way too good here.)
5:17 p.m. Check back in on the uncaged bird. Said bird climbs up my arm so I take him to the bedroom where he can run around the bed.
5:30 p.m. I get hungry myself so I go make an egg salad sandwich which is one of the bird's faves, so we share it. Plus we shared an orange slice candy.
Two hours of relative peace and then all hell breaks loose.
Dog needs out again. Bird hops off of the bed to chew up more of the kitchen floor. Cat nearly trips me on my way down to the door to let dog out.
Don't worry. I am used to chaos. Got the bird back in his cage. Soothed the dog. Gave the cat some scratches and all is calm again.
But the animals ALL know when they can act out. Lucky me.
Anyone who has mothered children can relate to this story.
Sorry about That
I thought I had something to say yesterday. After I posted my last post, it I realized how negative it was and that is not my aim. So I deleted it because I didn't want anyone I love to be negatively affected by it.
Still, the subject of anger needs to be dealt with. And there is a residual of anger in every person dealing with depression.
So, let's try again.
Disappointment is a fact of life. Normal people just go ahead and just shake it off. Depressives take it personally (not that we intentionally or consciously mean to), but it happens.
Now the thing about that is that we feel that we don't have the right to get angry because we feel like such failures anyway. We don't feel like we are holding up our part of the bargain we make with other people.
Still anger happens and quite rightfully so. If we can't feel anger, we can't feel happiness and gratitude either.
It is the same with sadness and glee. How do you know one without the other?
Sorry about the misstep yesterday. Still working on my brain health.
Still, the subject of anger needs to be dealt with. And there is a residual of anger in every person dealing with depression.
So, let's try again.
Disappointment is a fact of life. Normal people just go ahead and just shake it off. Depressives take it personally (not that we intentionally or consciously mean to), but it happens.
Now the thing about that is that we feel that we don't have the right to get angry because we feel like such failures anyway. We don't feel like we are holding up our part of the bargain we make with other people.
Still anger happens and quite rightfully so. If we can't feel anger, we can't feel happiness and gratitude either.
It is the same with sadness and glee. How do you know one without the other?
Sorry about the misstep yesterday. Still working on my brain health.
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Depression and Water
Not sure how to approach this issue except straight on.
Water is life. Life is water. We need it and we are made of it.
Now here is the weird part. Some of us cannot get enough of it whether that is drinking it, bathing in it, cleaning with it, washing our hands in it, or joyfully splashing in a pool of it. Then there are those of us who would like nothing better to do any of these things, yet do none of them.
Why is that?
I don't know if theory bears this out, but my suspicion is that it has to to with the phase of depression. In other words, some days it is just too wearisome to even think of getting up for a glass of water to drink or to draw a bath. Plus fear of water becomes a real thing on those days when you are afraid you are going to just plain drown it it. Just like drowning in emotions some days.
I hate those days.
Water is life. Life is water. We need it and we are made of it.
Now here is the weird part. Some of us cannot get enough of it whether that is drinking it, bathing in it, cleaning with it, washing our hands in it, or joyfully splashing in a pool of it. Then there are those of us who would like nothing better to do any of these things, yet do none of them.
Why is that?
I don't know if theory bears this out, but my suspicion is that it has to to with the phase of depression. In other words, some days it is just too wearisome to even think of getting up for a glass of water to drink or to draw a bath. Plus fear of water becomes a real thing on those days when you are afraid you are going to just plain drown it it. Just like drowning in emotions some days.
I hate those days.
Friday, July 10, 2015
Once the Euphoria Fades
How is it even possible to be so up one day and so down the next? Really have no answer for that unless I am an excitement junkie.
Actually that could be the entire answer.
I was so thrilled yesterday and am still happy about the impending marriage, but today I can't eat: I can't sleep. Sick to my stomach to the point that I can't keep food on it.
I have lost 25 pounds in the last three and a half months. That may sound sensational, but the deal is I have not been on a diet. I wasn't trying to lose weight.
Days like today make me wish the medication had worked.
Have a good weekend. I am going to try to do the same.
Actually that could be the entire answer.
I was so thrilled yesterday and am still happy about the impending marriage, but today I can't eat: I can't sleep. Sick to my stomach to the point that I can't keep food on it.
I have lost 25 pounds in the last three and a half months. That may sound sensational, but the deal is I have not been on a diet. I wasn't trying to lose weight.
Days like today make me wish the medication had worked.
Have a good weekend. I am going to try to do the same.
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