Pets (They are smarter than you think)

We have one very aged dog, one fairly elderly cat, and a young, crazy parrot.

They have all bonded to "Horace" even though they were supposed to be my pets. "Horace" is the pet whisperer, apparently.

"Horace" travels on business on a fairly regular basis and when he is gone I become the default caretaker. And that is when it becomes silly. Any of the three see a suitcase come out and the fun begins.

Timeline:

"Horace" leaves at 1:10 p.m. for the airport. Barney (aged dog) needs to go out for anxious bowel reasons.

1;20 p.m. Same deal.

2:00 p.m. Bird is screeching piteously. (I guess weekends are particularly hard for them). I feed him and give him fresh water. He asks me, "how ya doing, little buddy?" but I think he was talking to himself.

Things calm down for three hours. Then it is time to see to the children's (ahem, pet's) needs again.

5:00 p.m. Time to give the old cat his wet food. Meanwhile Barney has been following me around all day like a lost soul so I take pity on him and give him the other half can of cat food (mixed grill, who wouldn't love it?) He chases the dish around the kitchen trying to lick every bite of it clean.

5:10 p.m. Barney urgently needs to go outside.

5:10 p.m. I take the opportunity to give the birdie boy new food and clean water. Open the cage door and he is out like a shot.

5:15 p.m. Go make sure that Barney came back in the house (because I left the door open so he could do so, which in retrospect might not have been the best decision since elderly cat might have escaped, which he didn't because I don't think he really wants to. He has it way too good here.)

5:17 p.m. Check back in on the uncaged bird. Said bird climbs up my arm so I take him to the bedroom where he can run around the bed.

5:30 p.m. I get hungry myself so I go make an egg salad sandwich which is one of the bird's faves, so we share it. Plus we shared an orange slice candy.

Two hours of relative peace and then all hell breaks loose.

Dog needs out again. Bird hops off of the bed to chew up more of the kitchen floor. Cat nearly trips me on my way down to the door to let dog out.

Don't worry. I am used to chaos. Got the bird back in his cage. Soothed the dog. Gave the cat some scratches and all is calm again.

But the animals ALL know when they can act out. Lucky me.

Anyone who has mothered children can relate to this story.